I wish that I could bring back the time

Every time that I empty thoughts would cloud up my mind; I can't help but to brood over the past. The lost of my Mom will always be included, of course. It's been four years that she passed away and I still remember what exactly happened before that awful incident. When her cold, white, and her almost-skeletal body were lying on the coffin, I know, deep inside, that she is happy now up there. I didn't even say that I loved her and I am sorry until her last breath. That is what disappoints me the most until now. I've already regretted that I have had a misunderstanding with her. I was really a brat back then as I recall and she always tries to be considerate of my attitude and cannot reprimand me for she was suffering in pain. I just realized that after she passed away and I hated myself for that. I will carry that anguish at myself until my last breath, or even in my grave. I cannot forgive myself for the things that I have done wrong to my own blood.